Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Apparently you make a good broom.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
