I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize