Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
