Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
