Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
