Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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