guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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