All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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