my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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