he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you never un-have a 4some
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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