Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
