I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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