if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
