I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We got so high we made milksteak
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
bring money and cleavage
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
