im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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