i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
