apparently the secret to your success is patron
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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