Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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