Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
you never un-have a 4some
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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