My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
