I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
