So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
