Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
