That's intense
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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