There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize