I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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