I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
