My entire life is one complicated drinking game
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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