I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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