Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
