So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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