Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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