i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
