we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
