If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
