If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
