just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
COCAINE IS GR8
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
