i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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