Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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