who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
