I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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