Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
