no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The best revenge is premature balding
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
