I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
