This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So vagazzling was a success
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
