I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
