Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
