so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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