your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
