marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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