I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
