she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I party with great urgency now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
