My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
COCAINE IS GR8
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize