Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
