I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
