you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
