I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
