you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
