They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize