I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
