I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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