Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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