she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
