are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
