i think my tv is drunk
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
