Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
