Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
