New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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