I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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