I'm jealous of your bromance
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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