grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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