If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
