I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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